PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
