so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
