guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
