i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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