Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
