Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
