i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
