a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
