the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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