# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
