This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
