Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
