apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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