he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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