ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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