mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
