I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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