just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
