this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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