i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
