I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
