Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
