Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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