Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
