God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
