I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Small penises have feelings too.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
