you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
