I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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