That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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