Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
