someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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