mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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