similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
