I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
