Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
