Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
