Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
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Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
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If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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