So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
