Kiss
Puke
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
