Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
