We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
