I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
