When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
