just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
