I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
