True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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