Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
