There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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