Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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