I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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