4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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