Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
