apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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