My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
