I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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