After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
try to milk me bitch
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
