Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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