oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
