you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
