the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
