The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
