I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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