Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
