If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
