Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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