I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
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he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
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It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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