the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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