It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize