My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
