i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
