I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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