Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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