Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
