Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
